A Guide to Gallifreyan Male Pregnancy
by Madame Seabush
Summary: Koschei deals with yet another phone call. AU. Fluff. Inspired by Cellnet ad with John Simm.


**Summary**: Koschei deals with yet another phone call. AU. Fluff.

**A/N**: From what I could see, there's not a lot of fluff been written about these two (I know, it's impossible. I struggled) and there was an actual request for fluff-esque fanfiction that I saw. I figured I should contribute to the fluff-base for people looking to escape the angst I take a shine to. This is strictly AU. Inspired by the Cellnet Ad with John Simm (first video on Youtube when you type in 'cellnet John Simm'). Oh come on, as if I could resist! Look at that face!

* * *

Koschei walked the streets, dodging pedestrians as he moved hastily past them. He was working a tight schedule as of late, fetching this and that, fetching the wrong thing, getting scolded, going back to fetch the right thing. Hearing the sound of his phone, he answered it. It was a fairly human habit that Theta had gotten him into.

"Hello?"

"It's me," Theta spoke, his voice full of mirth and excitement and it certainly didn't go unnoticed by his counterpart.

"What? Is it time?" a panicked voice met Theta's ears as Koschei quickened pace, attempting to find air above the crowd and discover the fastest route home.

Theta smiled fondly as he brewed his tea, picturesque calm. "Don't panic," he began in a playful, chiding tone, sitting down at the table. "I'm just testing," he purred.

Koschei took a calming breath and looked skyward before softness returned to his features, "How do you feel?" he asked pleasantly.

It didn't surprise him that his lover took full advantage of the question, having spent his time dealing with the mood swings and the cravings and tears and drama. "I feel like I'm developing a _blowhole_," Theta whined, his hand spanning over his growing belly. Oh, he wondered how much longer this would take and wondered why he hadn't opted for looming their child, especially after Koschei had gone over the gorier details of a natural pregnancy.

Koschei chuckled. "You look wonderful," he insisted. "Womanly."

Theta missed the teasing entirely, too busy inspecting himself, unable to see past the growth in front of him. He was _enormous_. _When was it supposed to stop again?_ he asked himself as he fiddled idly with the pant elastic.

"I can't tell what colour my pants are without taking them off," Theta sulked, pouting.

"_Sensual_, curvaceous," Koschei corrected whilst scoping out his surroundings, knowing that he had to pick up groceries soon before he got yet another call with Theta complaining that he was taking too long, which would undoubtedly amount to him coming to the conclusion that he must be seeing another woman, or man, as the case may be.

"I can't see my _shoes_," Theta stressed.

"Theta..." Koschei attempted to be the voice of reason, though Theta gave no sign that he was listening, preferring to obsess over the little details.

"I _like_ my shoes…" he continued in the same anxiety and concern.

Koschei sighed as he got to the shop, giving in a little. "Okay, you look a _tiny_ bit bulbous."

Theta's eyes widened with indignance and shock.

"_What!?_" he exclaimed, looking off to the side as if he could throw him a trademark glare through the phone wire.

"Let's stop after we've had five." Koschei spoke leisurely, his eyes bright. Truth was, Theta often spoke of having lots of children, more so when he slept but Koschei got the gist of it with Theta rubbing his stomach and carrying on. Theta had even gone so far as to find himself a handbook to Gallifreyan male pregnancy. Sure, he had laughed about it then but… no, he still laughed about it now.

His partner bristled; he could feel it despite the silence on the line.

"We're only having one. I'm never sleeping with you again after what you've just said," Theta scolded, stirring his tea as he contemplated the prospect of more children and whether or not Koschei actually wanted another after their first.

"Don't call me for half an hour unless it's an _emergency_," Koschei warned lightly. There was no way he was going to get anything done if he was going to be 'tested' every fifteen minutes.

"This _is_ an emergency!" Hysteria met Koschei's ears before anguish followed. "I'm _fat_!" Theta gestured to his growing stomach in despair and exasperation.

Koschei could only smile as he pictured his expression. "You're not fat," he spoke in earnest, leaning against the wall and watching the sky. "You're just keeping our baby warm."

Settling down with his tea for the first real time since the start of the conversation, Theta looked down into the cup calmly and cradled the phone piece to his ear. "You always say the right thing," he mused with a soft chuckle before the realisation hit him. "Hang on… that's how I ended up like this in the first place!"


End file.
